Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Contemplating life over Altoids

I think I am on my 5th Altoids. Yes, I'm feeling guilty. I really want to leave the 's' off of the end but that's not the correct name of the delicious round wintergreeny mint I'm surfing the net and mulling over what to write, not just for the blog but for a project I have started with my Mom as well. As I surf and attempt to write I am in my Mom's apartment and she is to blame for this box of Altoids screaming my name and demanding that I eat.them.all.  6th Altoids - which I'm pretty sure isn't paleo

As I was browsing around I was surfing my cousin Sarah's FB page - she is a writer, photographer, mother, wife well fiance but close enough!, artist, yogi, vegan, and so many more amazing things make up her being that I couldn't list them all and keep this post short. who am I kidding? I'm always long winded!  As I observed her online presence I had a passing thought about how she really does a lot, has so many talents, and doesn't seem to have just one focus, which was followed up with, "Guess that's the Pisces in us," because I'm completely the same way.

I have so many interests it's no wonder that I am where I am. where I am is great by the way - I'm just referring to the journey of a steady career, I supposeA while ago I was telling Matt about my recent "aha" moment 7th Altoids that the Universe truly responds to what you create and that I have obviously spent time (sadly I wasn't practicing full awareness) shifting my focus so much that I haven't fully committed to one thing, because I want to this, then that, then there, then hey look! So in turn that is sort of what I have received - again, it's no wonder this last year or two was a bit - um - challenging. Granted, it's always the same ideas rolling through my heart and head, but I haven't fully and actively pursued one of them at a time, or all of them all of the time,  and instead thought of them as hobbies and tried 'attracting' a career instead, of some sort, that ultimately probably isn't truly me.

Is this making any sense?

Some people know their path from the moment their born, some may not know right away but will find it a lot quicker than others, then there is me. Joyfully living in the world longing for nothing more than a 'career' to call my own and getting samples and tastes here and there, but with nothing fully satisfying this palate of mine.  I have an affection for life, always have and always will, and I'm "eternally optimistic," as a friend once called me, so I have tried not to dwell, but it hasn't always been easy. 9th Altoids  Of course, being an Army wife doesn't make it easy, but one can't point fingers or blame, as it's not going to help the situation. I've actually found more peace this year in 'accepting what is' than ever before. I don't feel a pressure, an anxiety, or that fear of 'it not happening', whatever it is. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am now 31. Maybe those pressures came with being my twenties and really wanting to have it all figured out before 30. Then, when I didn't, I kept moving forward, trying new things, and realizing I still felt pretty damn good in many ways for hitting the three one mark and that I probably know now more than ever before. I shouldn't just accept 'defeat' so to speak, and a good friend of mine reminded me, "You never stop seeking, so many do - yet you don't, that's the great thing about you." Her comment made me realize that I won't ever stop seeking, what I seek may change, but seeking more love, information, lessons, relationships, opportunities, and who knows what else, will never stop, and why should it?

I feel a peace now that I can't ever say that I've felt before. I do have a career, maybe it's not traditional, but it's freaking awesome. The life my husband and I have created is triple freaking awesome, so if I'm loving the life I and we are living then I must be doing something right, eh?

I'm a firm believer that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, though some days that mentality is harder to accept than others. So, my cousin and I are souls that soar in all sorts of different directions. By society's big corporation standards we may appear as less, but I can promise you that because we have chosen to soar and explore, we have found so much more in ourselves and stepped away from fear and into love, and in fact are more. I don't mean more than someone else, just more than we would have been had we settled and not let our constant change of focus and love for many things take us down the unbeaten path.

I've made a commitment to myself that I will pursue my top interests, dreams, what have you. The ones that have been in your heart all along and though they may seem small, they're big to me, they are a purpose to me and have a hope behind them to help people. I'm not going to accept that there may not be money for some things I want to pursue, and instead figure out ways to make it happen, I'm going to exercise my interests and talents and though I may be doing 3 - 4 things at a time I think my Mom would concur that, that's just how I've always been and who I am. I just think it's time to put full effort and vision into my heart's desires instead of thinking they're a far off 'one day' realization.

I encourage you to do the same.

Maybe you have always known your calling, maybe you're just finding it, maybe you've been living it but something else in your heart is starting to blossom, don't wait, live your life and purpose now. Trust me, I know it feels easier said than done, I'm a walking example to that as I get so caught up in the 'how' and needing of approval, but poo poo to that, we are the only ones in our shoes and let's face it, nobody will ever walk even an inch in our shoes, so it's up to us to create our life... it's also up to us to be cheerleaders for each other, leave judgment behind, and just encourage someone's efforts and life regardless of how different they may be from our own, we don't have to understand it or them, we just have to have love in our hearts and stand by our fellow friend.

Stepping off soapbox.

But for real, support each other cause it takes bee-a-el-el-es to put yourself out there in whatever you feel pulled towards. This is a big badass world and I mean that in a very positive way. What I want is simple - and  I know as I achieve more goals I've set up for myself I'll create new ones - why settle in life, ever?

Mucho amor!

p.s. I stopped at 10 Altoids - that's an extra 30 ish calories of sugar I sure as hell didn't need. 

1 comment:

Sarah Ann said...

Oh Fallon ~ I love this SO much! Thank you a million times over for the encouragement and the kind words. I am so glad to have a kindred in you.

Cheers to being an all out adventurer through this life.

Love you woman!